Love is not Prideful

Wow, this has been an amazing & profound journey I've been on. The "Love Dare" challenge has helped me grow and brought a change in my attitude towards life and marriage. It has totally turned my attitude around for the better. My love for Tommy has grown so much through this challenge. I love him more today then when we first got married....which excites me and inspires me to keep doing the Love Dare challenge b/c I can only imagine where we will be in 10, 20, 30, or even 40 years from now. Love is a commitment to keep striving to better ourselves so that we can better our marriages. It breaks my heart to see couples go through divorce around me, especially with my close friends. I grieve with them over their loss. But even though it breaks my heart it also reveals to me the importance to keep striving to find ways to work on my marriage, keeping the love going strong and being committed to giving my all in my marriage. My heart longs for the day to see the divorce rate in our country drop... but, for right now the only person I can keep working on is myself and the rest I will have to keep in my prayers.

Love is not prideful: an over high opinion of oneself, exaggerated self esteem, haughtiness, arrogance, since of one's own dignity, self-respect, delight or satisfaction in one's achievements.

The opposite of pride is humility. If more of us would be willing to humble ourselves in our marriage then I believe we would have a lot less fights and a lot more respect shown towards our spouse. Do we really always have to be right?! Proverbs 16:18 tells us "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall". When we allow pride to fill our hearts we begin to forget the treasure that lies within our spouse and we begin to focus on our self. It's all about me, my needs, my desires, my life. But Humility thinks about others and their needs and their dreams. When we are humble we desire to help our spouse succeed in life and reach their dreams.

SO, I challenge all of us willing to seek out the best in our spouse and humble ourselves this week when a disagreement arises that we will "be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to get angry". Let's put ourselves in our spouse's shoes and see their point of view in the disagreement. Good luck to you all and may we all strive to better our lives and marriages.

Love does not boast

Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up but instead draws others to it.

Imagine if we drew our spouses to our self by our love for them

through our actions and our kindheartedness...

BOAST: Bragging, to talk especially about oneself, with too much pride and satisfaction, to vainly be prideful, exult glory in having something.

If we are to boast about anything it should be boasting and being proud of who we are married to and what a great spouse they are.

So I'm taking this moment to boast about

what a great husband I have....

He is so amazing. I've been truly blessed, my husband is a true treasure. He is a great leader, husband, father, uncle, brother and son. I could not have asked for a better husband then who he is. He is loving and compassionate. He lives his life with passion for what he does and desires to do all with excellence. He cares about others who are less fortunate. He has a generous heart and loves to give to others. The way he shows his love to me is profound. (let me give you a few examples.... when I was pregnant with Kai one day I was really sick to he called into his work to stay home with me and take care of me. Last year for our anniversary he bought me and hour detox and an hour message. For my first birthday we were married he knew I always wanted a heart locket and he bought one with my name inscribed on it. Every year for our anniversary he always does something special for me either buying a gift or just making sure we get to spend time together just the two of us..-which means the world to me{quality time}..the list could go on and on but I will stop with those few things) {I don't want anyone to be jealous or envious}

God has answered my prayers for such a good man. I wish other's could be blessed the way I have been, with such an outstanding spouse. But we have to keep reminding ourselves of the treasure we have and to be proud of who we are married to otherwise we might begin to focus on faults and begin to become discontent, forgetting the true gem that's within our spouse.

Focus this week on those great qualities that your spouse possess, write them in a special journal specifically for reminding yourself in the future. So when you & your spouse are going through a storm in your marriage you can look back and remind yourself who you married and why you married them. That journal may very well save your marriage and change your attitude toward your spouse.

Love does not envy

Envy: a feeling of discontent and ill will b/c of another's advantages, possessions, desire for something belonging to another, object of envious feeling.
I believe this is where relationships become hindered when 1 of the partners in the marriage or even both partners in the marriage begin to look at other relationships and compare their marriage to what they observe in other's and they begin to desire what they assume to be better then what they have of their own. They become discontent with what they have...("the grass is always greener on the other side"). Which is sooooo not true, just ask the many people who keep repeating their mistakes in one failed relationship after another. The cycle become vicious and before they know it they are repeating the same mistake over and over, destroying another relationship and another persons life. All b/c they are not content in what they have.

In the Bible in the book of Philippians Paul knew what it meant to be content no matter what the circumstance, we should take a look at his example and learn from it.

Php 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Php 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Isn't that what we mean when we say in our vows"for richer or for poorer, through sickness and in health, for better or for worse..." Or are those just words being thrown out there to just sound good at our weddings. We as human beings need to learn to be content where we are and who we have as a spouse, if we never learn that lesson we will forever be dissatisfied with our life and therefore have no life at all. We'll constantly be running the rat race right into our graves and miss out on the huge blessing that is right before us...OUR HUSBAND OR WIFE!!! Don't miss out on the Gift God has given. Rejoice in who your spouse is, be proud of who you married.

Look deep down in the treasure you possess and you will find a true gem.

Love is Kind

Kindness: Taking the initiative to be considerate and helpful. Sympathetic, friendly, gentle, benevolent (to do good), generous, cordial.




I know that most of us when we were dating our spouses it was easy to be kind to them. (We constantly reflected on their good qualities and the blessings they brought to our lives).

( My husband is a champion in my eyes!!! He is the most amazing man in the whole wide world and I'm the luckiest woman ever...b/c he's mine!!!)

When relationships are in the early stages (which I mean by at least the dating stages and usually the first 2 years of marriage) we are considerate, friendly, gently and even cordial to our husband or wife. But as the years pass in our marriage we begin to take our spouse for granted...that they will always be there. Although one thing I have learned in my almost 5 years of marriage, we cannot take our spouses for granted and just treat them any way our feelings throw our emotions into the wind. Otherwise we are throwing our marriage into the wind allowing it to be blown any directions that we can't control. Although we can control our attitudes and our actions, therefore we can control whether or not we choose to treat our spouse kindly on a daily basis.
Our feelings and emotions will rise and fall but we have a choice whether they are going to control us, or are we going to choose to control them.
So, I put this challenge out there....are we going to strive together to better ourselves and better our marriage by controlling our actions and choose today to be kind to our spouse this week? I'm taking up this challenge and choosing to be kind to the gift God has given me. (When we reflect on our spouses as gifts and the blessings they bring to our lives it is so much easier to treat them with kindness).
I know many of you will be blessed this week in taking up this challenge and seeing the growth of love in your marriage. Take heart true warriors who are fighting for your marriages you will be blessed, GUARENTEED

(I'm already celebrating with you in your victories) ;}

Love is Patient

"Love never gives up" 1cor 13:4a (Paraphrased Message bible)

Patience according to Webster dictionary:
The will or the ability to endure pain or trouble, with composure & without complaining, refusing to be provoked, calmly tolerating delay, diligent, persevering.

How do we love our spouse with such love? Being patient with our spouse can be very difficult at times. (I would be the first to admit that, but more so due to putting myself first…it’s all about me, me, me, me)….ah, come on I know there’s more of us out there who think this way…that’s why it’s called selfishness. It’s in our human nature to feel this world evolves around me (right)?!. Okay, maybe I’m the only one willing to be honest here. ;} If it wasn’t for God’s grace and Him giving me the patience to make it through the day I don’t think patience would even run through my veins.
Let’s look at a fictitious scenario… It’s been a long night with your little one teething and you’ve been up all night consoling them trying to sleep sitting up to help comfort them so they can at least sleep. This can make it very difficult trying to be patient during the day.

Lack of sleep, mixed with a short temperament (due to the lack of sleep) can add the pressure of trying to make sure the house is clean and dinner is on the table right when you husband walks through the door. Let me tell you patience kind of wears thin at that point. That is why I believe it does take the choice to choose that we will endure through this moment of lack of sleep and frustration as the baby is screaming, the house is trashed and the dinner is 2 hours late. While your husband has had a long day at work, and all he wants to do is eat and relax. At this moment, all you want to do is hand over the baby and take a nice, long, hot bath.
To really think we are going to calmly tolerate the complaints, that dinner isn’t ready and that our spouse has had a long day to just come home to a trashed house & screaming baby…

(What, they don’t think you haven’t had a

long day…and now to listen to more complaints

with a constant screaming child in the

back ground).

It’s hard not to provoke a fight or disagreement B/C we aren’t necessarily in our normal frame of mind.
It is possible to make it through a night and day like this, keeping our composure without complaining. (I’m still waiting for that day) ;} But we can persevere, being diligent and holding our tongues. Thankfully, we don’t have every single day be this way. This fictitious scenario maybe a real scenario in some of our lives. But, I do want to say that it is possible to be patient with our spouse even when we both have had a long day. When we make the choice to love our spouse with patience we are able to do so with the good Lord’s help. I cannot love my husband on my own, being patient through disagreements and not feel I have to share my own opinion. But I do attest it is possible.
My Husband and I were having a disagreement last week and he started getting defensive. So, I calmly listened to his point of view and once he was done I asked him why he was getting so defensive. Then I proceeded to explain where I was coming from and to my amazement, my patience and willingness to stay calm actually showed my husband I respected his opinion and even though we were disagreeing it did not turn out to be a full blown fight. And by the grace of God patience actually dissolved the disagreement. (now I wish I could say I am patient with my husband all the time but that would be telling a big, huge, fat lie…a matter of fact the previous week before this whole disagreement I was suppose to work on patience and I flopped big time, so this past week I’m still working on loving my husband through patience….and for the rest of my life.) lol

Love is a commitment!!!

JUST A LITTLE EXTRA T.L.C.

Tommy & Lauriena Cruz

It amazes me that there are so many couples who in their wedding vows say they are going to LOVE, HONOR & CHERISH their spouse until death do they part, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse... I know that my husband and I were one of those couples. And now after almost 5 years of marriage I begin to wondering if every couple who had those words in their vows truly took the time to take heart these 3 words what would it really look like.... how many marriages would actually last through the storms of life and the tsunamis that try to wash our paths away.

So let's take a closer look together and break these 3 words down.What would it really look like if we LOVED our spouses.

According to 1 Cor. 13:4~8a says

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevers. Love never FAILS"

Wow, imagined if your spouse truly loved you this way, they were patient with you (even when you act out and throw your pitty parties...don't worry I do too, that's why we're called

human) =}. Or they were kind to you, (called you in the middle of your day not to request something of you but just to say "I love you, and just wanted you to know that" or sent you a card to your work or home to say"I love you"). They didn't envy you but rejoiced with you when you get that promotion you were waiting for. They didn't strut around being proudful of themselves but instead praised you for your qualities. They spoke to you in a gentle loving tone

(even in the heat of the battle). They strive to help you reach your full potential and accomplish your dreams. They listen to your every word and don't get definsive when there's a disagreement betweem the 2 of you. They don't keep bringing up your past faults but they let them go, and encourage you (not in a nagging way either) to strive to be a better person. They respect you and talk highly of you to others, not gossiping about you.

They will always try to protect you, and trust your word. They bring hope in your life and you can feel safe in your relationship with them B/C they are commited to you, and will do what they can to protect your marriage.

Now that would be amazing if your spouse loved you that way...but how much more amazing would it be if you loved your spouse that way even before your spouse ever loved you that way. It takes a big person to better themselves and challenge themselves even if that means they start the journey by themselves.

What about HONOR, what does honoring your spouse look like:

According to Websters Dictionary.

"HONOR: is to hold at high regard, have great respect, glorify, good reputation, consider right & pure, something done or given, ceremonies of respect, a source or cause of respect or fame, exalt, staking one's good name on one's truthfulness or reliability."

We should ask ourselves how can we honor our spouse by way of this definition. How can we hold our spouse in high regards & have a great respect for them? How can we glorify them by giving them a good reputation, considering them right in other's eyes? Helping them to be pure through out their lives? How can we exalt our spouse? One of the ways that most women do show respect to their husbands when they first get married they take on their husband's last name in good faith trusting that he is going to be trustworthy and reliable.

We have the power of choice, we get to choose how we are going to live out our lives, and live them out in our marriages. When we love & honor our spouse we are making the choice to be commited to keeping our marriages strong.

CHERISH sounds so nice, "I'm going to love, honor, & CHERISH my spouse until death do us part".... wow, that could very well mean a long time we have to cherish our spouse. But I believe a lot of us don't know what it truly means to cherish something or someone.... we flipantly throw out "I love pizza, I love puppies, I love this, I love that". The English language doesn't really give us much in the area of describing how we differentiate about things. To truly understand what it means to cherish we'll take a look at Websters dictionary once again.

"CHERISH: to hold dear, value highly, to take good care of, treat tenderly, to hold in the mind, cling to."

Do we really hold our spouse dear to our hearts, valueing them highly, making sure we are taking good care of them, treating them tenderly, clinging to the very thought of them being called our own?

Wow, to really break down all 3 of these words and really taking a look at what they mean really opens my eyes and makes me ask myself...in the past 5 years have I really LOVED, HONOR, & CHERISHED my husband? To answer that question honestly NO!!! I'm a very real, honest person even when that means admitting my faults...(& yes my husband can attest to my faults... but thankfully he is a gracious and loving husband~& forgiving) =}

I have been challenged this year @ the beginning of 2009 to really strive to love,honor, & cherish my husband. I have been doing the "Love Dare" book inspired by the "Fireproof" movie. It's taking me a little longer then 40 days... It's March 9th and I'm still basically in the beginning of the book, I'm on day 11... (which I still have to read by the way) =} but I won't allow myself to move onto another day until I complete the day I am on. But I'm a work in progress and each day of my life is too. I have also challenged my circle of coffee girls to join me in another type of love dare and that is to take each word that describes love from 1 Cor. 13:4~8a and love our spouses through creative ways living out the action of that word for a week.

I have seen a big turn around in my attitude towards my husband & my love has grown for him so much it's unbelievable. My husband just told me last night he felt our marriage is at the strongest it has ever been. It has definately been a challenge but so rewarding in the results it has brought to our marriage & our relationship.

Now our marriage wasn't on the rocks or but I was not living my full potential as a wife and loving my husband as a child of God. The reason I took on the 2 Love Dare challenges was to better myself but also to do preventive work in my marriage so we don't have to be on the rocks before turning our marriage around. It's like when you own a vehicle... you don't keep driving it until it goes capoot on you, you have to put in gas, change the oil, change the spark plugs, have it tuned up, rotate your tires...etc. You have to do the preventive work on a car so it will be fine tuned and reliably running for you so your not stranded out in ten-buck-to with no help around and no cell phone to call out to anyone. Thankfully we do have God to call out in times of need, when we just don't have the strength in us to love our spouses the way they deserve to be loved. He will give us strength to get us through & even the love we need to pour out onto our spouse. B/C to be quite honest it's not easy to love our spouse when we are consumed of our selves, yet when we pray to God He is faithful to answer and give us a new & refreshing outpour of abundant love for our spouse.

I would love to have anyone who would like to join us in the love dare challenge to feel free . What we are doing is we get together every week and share how we did the previous week on the word of the week. This week we are on Kindness (much easier then the previous week...it was patients) =} I would love to hear comments on how it is working out...GOOD LUCK TO ALL WHO TAKE ON THE CHALLENGE, may it change your marriage forever. We are all a work in progress.