Love is not Self-Seeking

Seeking for the gain of oneself...the word that comes to mind on this is SELFISHNESS. It's in our human nature to seek things out for our own gain...success, love, "what's in it for me" (that's what the world teaches us)...etc. The list could go on and on. I'm guilty of this especially in my marriage. And to be quite honest, seeking for satisfaction and fulfilment completely from my husband is not only unrealistic but it's not fair to him. He can't meet my inner most wants and desires. Only God can completely meet those needs, making me feel satisfied and fulfilled in this life. God's the one who gives me peace in the midst of the storms life throws at me. God's the one who ultimately comforts me and calms my heart. Tommy is a great consular but even when he gives me a hug and lets me cry on his shoulder he can't touch my heart and release the pain and hurts. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. So to seek to gain complete satisfaction and fulfillment from Tommy is unrealistic and would not be truly loving him. When I allow God to be my soul provider, comforter, and meeter of all my needs is when Tommy is free to be the great husband that he is and not having to stress or fret over trying to be my all in all. It has taken many trials and errors to learn this lesson, and I'm sure there will be more lessons to learn to always keep relying on God instead of Tommy, that's why I will be the first to admit I'm a work in progress. Thankfully God has given me a loving and understanding husband who knows that I'm a work in progress too.=} And he is willing to be patient and love me through it all.=}

Is Not Rude

According to the Webster Dictionary Rude is: Mean, lacking in social refinement, implies ignorance or indifference of good form, suggest intentional of discourtesy, lack of gentleness, lacking refinement or delicacy, occuring abruptly or disconcertingly(rude awakening).

Being rude is not being considerate and not caring of what you are saying to another person or even considering how it may impact the other person's feelings. I know from our first year of marriage the consideration and thoughtfulness of my own actions while Tommy and I were dating at times went out the window...sad to say but it is being real and honest with myself and you....can we say at times with my words I intentionally was discourtesy, had lack of gentleness, and refinement or any delicacy of my choice of words that came out of my mouth....which brought a rude awakening to our relationship. I was down right rude at times with my words. Words really can hurt and actions of being rude to your spouse can hurt the relationship(whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me) had either a lack of any empathy to self or just had a down right loss of sanity or feelings. Being rude to your spouse only damages the relationship and your intimacy with them. Our first 10 months of marriage after a blissful and exciting courtship came to a rude awakening when we began to see the not so pretty side of Lorena. Thankfully I have a forgiving husband and a gracious and loving God who desires to see me be a better wife and person....I have grown to learn to hold my words and really think about and consider how my words will impact my husband. If we have a disagreement I've been trying to consider how I am going to react to Tommy in a respectful way and try my best not to be rude...(I'm a work in progress) I've definately been learning how to communicate in a not so rude and disrespecful way...(I still have a long way to go but if I've come this far already in 5 years how far can I better myself with the good Lord's help in a year from now...hopefully a more considerate, loving and respectful wife).

I'M A WORK IN PROGRESS!!! ;}

Where would you like to be in...

Lets take a quick break from 1 Cor. 13,

sit back and reflect

where we would like our marriages to be in







say 5 years, 10 years, 15 years & so on...

I have some what of an idea where I would like my marriage in 40+ years...

(still happily married to

Tommy growing old with him

until death do us part)...

but that's just a brief description.

This couple is my inspiration....they are my parents and have been married 40+ years. God is so good.

When you know where you want to be in your marriage years from now you have to set goals to get there. So, if I want my marriage to be strong, thriving in our friendship, communication, affection, love, passion, and intimacy with Tommy being married to him 40+ years then I better make a plan and set goals to get there. You can't hit a target unless you set it in front of you.
One of the goals I would like for Tommy and I to set together is plan our 5 years anniversary...for instance, a trip for 5, 10, 15, 20...etc anniversaries...(that's having the expectation of still be married to Tommy all those years and then some) ;} I look forward to going on trips with Tommy, we get to go have fun just the 2 of us and we have such an enjoyable time together...just hanging out. That's why I married him in the first place...we enjoy being together. He's my best friend.
My goal to help my love for Tommy to grow was to take on this "love Dare" this year, to show how much I love my husband and cherish my marriage... keeping it fresh and alive. Who wants to be in a marriage that is dead and you have nothing in common anymore b/c you have allowed your feelings to die. Marriage takes work and it takes two of you to work in it...that's why love is a commitment.
I am going to keep reflecting and setting goals to keep my marriage striving and alive. Alot of them are going to be a challenge to complete but that's the exciting part, to see them come to fullfillment. I hope all of you are willing to challenge yourselves to set goals in your marriage so that you can see the fruits of your labor 40 years from now. Keep holding strong to God's promises and you will accomplish the goals set before you and your marriage will blossom from them.